SEC porn, recommendations - humor

**Davy Crockett** · 04-23-2010

REPORT OF SELF-APPOINTED CONSULTANT BILL SINGER

From: Bill Singer

To: SEC Chair Mary Schapiro

Date: April 23, 2010

RE: Allegations of Staff Porn Surfing: Proposed Remedies by Consultant

It has come to my attention that members of the SEC's Staff may be operating under a misimpression concerning a number of industry terms. Please ensure that the following expressions are properly explained to your Staff:

1. Initial Public Offering: this is not the first sexual experience with a prostitute.
2. Indication of Interest: this is not the negotiation of price with a prostitute
3. Private Placement: this is not a consensual sex act between adults
4. Regular Way Settlement: this is not the missionary position
5. Pump And Dump: this is not an aberrant sex act
6. The Spread: this is not something viewed at a peep show
7. The Quiet Period: this is not the post-coital moment
8. Breaking Escrow: this is not to be called the "money shot"
9. Naked Short: this is not an undressed male Staffer on a cold day
10. Self Regulator: this is an employee of FINRA not masturbation
11. Secondary Offering: this is not a repeat sex act courtesy of ****** (V.I.A.G.R.A. is a dirty word?)

The SEC must immediately cancel any contemplated seminars with the Thailand securities authorities. This would not be a good time for Staff to be visiting Bangkok. In fact, the SEC should avoid any reference to that city whatsoever.

The SEC must immediately implement a policy that requires all Staff to use both hands on their computer keyboards at all times. Similarly, the SEC should provide Handi-Wipes for all visitors in the event that there is customary handshaking with Staff.

In response to growing reports of Staff vision problems and hairy palms, the SEC should expand its medical coverage to provide treatment for those maladies.

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/light-secs-pornography-fetish-revalations-bill-singer-proposes-simple-sop-checklist